And in fact, to even call it a disagreement is a misnomer. Things went wrong, I got angry, phone calls were made.
*Deep sigh*
In any case, I said this to the other person after the dust was settling, I had already said that I was very sorry for my behavior. She said that she was sorry. OK, we were both sorry, but both still feeling poorly I think. I know that I was!
How can the Body of Christ have integrity at this point?
This is what I offered her - and what I offered myself. It comes not from me!
"That is what it is to be church together... we all bring our wounds to the party. It is what we do with them and each other that transforms us. We are ever being transformed. I am grateful to be church with you."
I am grateful to be church with so many people. That is the easy part. How do we actually live with each other, transform one another and ourselves?
On Tuesday I got into some conversations on Facebook and via email about a challenging topic. One of those (email) conversations resulted in me saying:
I hear you, but as I see it, at some point we have to step out of our own willfulness and into willingness, even if the others do not. I have tried but I got clobbered.
How do we find our way together on any number of things? Practical daily life as well as navigating the Big Issues?
Been thinking about this all day. The only way to communicate on the big issue, whatever the big issue happens to be, is face to face, one on one, I suspect. Nobody is going to change my mind but I'm willing to discuss it and any other subject. I'm willing to explain my position but only in person with someone who disagrees with me. That way it is more difficult to say demeaning things. It is also easier to explain a position. Unfortunately some people simply can't listen to another point of view. Perhaps they fear that the cooties of a different opinion are contagious.
ReplyDeleteI agree with PseudoPiskie, the conversation should take place face to face. Perhaps you will never agree and that is okay, it is more important to respect each other and each others opinions.
ReplyDeleteIt is not what happens to us in life but how we respond to it that makes us the people we are.
.........:-) Hugs
@PseudoPiskie - I agree that having conversations in person is far superior. However, I also think that we must be able to have them online and in other forums as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes - agreed - both sides must be able to state their position and also to listen. With that I mean listen with the ears and with the heart.
As for one side feeling like they will get cooties... As someone who possesses what might be perceived as the "less popular" position on at least one social matter (less being driven by the group of people I am most likely to associate with) I can tell you that the "don't want the cooties" goes in both directions.
That is what I would like to find a way to overcome... a space for conversation just so that more people might come to see *why* people believe what they do.
To date, as I begin to "out" myself, not one person has asked me what I really think or how I came to change my point of view. THAT is the most depressing thing for me. If it were me, I would be asking. Sorry if that sounds narcissistic, but it is true. I am basically blasted or politely ignored.
So much for conversation. I have never condemned anyone publicly OR privately, nor would I.
Yet I guess people must assume that I will? I don't know.
@Bernie - your comment, as always, is so spot on. Thank you. Respect is at the heart of all listening, isn't it?
Fran, face to face isn't always possible. God has given us so many ways to communicate and reach out with our brothers and sisters. Here's what I think: we are never going to please everyone. Some people will never open their hearts and minds to our side. We really can't worry about that. God has given us the insight we have through experience, through the breath of the Holy Spirit, through others in our lives. It is up to us to continue searching and expanding on that. We can't convince anyone until they're ready, and that's not in our control at all. So we give it up to God, that part of it, and do the part we can. I know that sounds very simple, and it's not always so black and white. But I do believe it's worth a shot. Letting go of the need to be right is incredibly freeing. But stand firm in what you know is true. Just don't lose too much sleep over the fact that someone doesn't agree. It took me years to understand this. I'm still working on it. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Fran...I feel your drain. Not sure face-to-face is the key, speaking as someone who once sort of lost it in the sacristy when faced by someone spewing bigoted and scripturally inaccurate nonsense.
ReplyDeleteIs it "giving up" or true "surrender" to simply not engage in so-called dialogues? I thank God for the delete key.
Those difficult encounters have such a way of leaving my heart raw... I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteI have not been interacting enough in recent weeks for intense moments.
One small reaction: I don't believe it is up to me to transform another (you wrote one another. I do agree that others have helped me change, but I do not believe it was their intent.
On the other hand, I really like your expression from willfulness to willingness.
Good luck in all that you do :-)
You're simply wonderful.