Today is both Memorial Day and the Feast of the Visitation. One day remembers the war dead; the other day remembers the meeting of two women.
There is something to ponder there...
In any case, I love the Feast of the Visitation. I wasn't going to write, but I heard a really good homily about it this morning and I just read a blogpost from Deacon Scott Dodge and there are too many thoughts rolling around in my head. That paper due next week cries out to be written, but this cries out too.
The meeting of Mary and Elizabeth is not some trifle, not some insipid moment of two women, but rather the power of what life and spirit are. If you ask me anyway!
It is at once, extraordinary and ordinary.
I had the good fortune to visit both Nazareth and Ein Kerem (believed to be Elizabeth's home) in 2004. Let me assure you - this was no easy journey for Mary. Of course, we could ask, what journey of Mary's was easy?
It seems clear to me that in all of this, no offense meant here and I am speaking broadly, the majority of the men in the New Testament had some issues. Afraid. Willful. Doubtful. Self-serving. Recalcitrant. Duplicitous- intentionally and not.
Seriously... Joseph wavered, but did the best, fast job of turning. Zechariah, John's father - he was struck dumb! But he saw what he needed to do. Most of the apostles, Peter in particular. I could go on and on. Man-bashing is not what I am about here - God uses us all for the purpose of love and revelation.
Then I look at Mary and Elizabeth. They both respond. Like that. Uncomplicated. Clear. Direct.
Their cooperation with grace requires courage, humility, inner authority, intuition, deep faith.
It is quite a beautiful thing if you ask me.
I am reminded however, that women remain at a different status than men in church in general.
So on this day, let us remember the speed and clarity that Mary and Elizabeth have in responding to God.
Were it up to them, perhaps we would be celebrating Peace Monday and not Memorial Day today. And don't forget... The public proclaiming of the Magnificat from today's Gospel was outlawed as being dangerous during the 80's in Guatemala when it was under military dictatorship.
The women - so threatening. To war and other disasters!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Trinity Sunday - Revisited
Yesterday I put up a long post about Trinity Sunday. It is a study in relationship and it is a bit wordy!
Today I am reflecting on a more simple image that has been influenced by my friend Lindy, by some work from Richard Rohr and from Fr. Pat's homily that I heard at the 4pm liturgy.
Lindy suggested that we call this Imagination Sunday... and I think that imagination is at the heart of our faith, the heart of the Trinity, so I like the idea of focusing on imagination.
Richard Rohr and Father Pat both spoke about images and dynamics, although each a bit differently.
I am pondering God as Father - but God also as Creator, which implies power. Not power in the negative way that we often perceive it, but the power to imagine and to create, with great love.
I am pondering Jesus as Son - Jesus as human, vulnerable, weak. Not weak in a negative way that is easy to jump to but rather weak as in human. Vulnerable is really a better way to put it. Our culture rejects vulnerability, our faith demands it.
I am pondering the Holy Spirit as... Well, not as a Dove, not as a Flame. I am pondering the ruah, which means spirit and is feminine. Now to say that feminine is not always held up or considered as part of the prevailing male image of God is a whole other blog post or more!
God and Jesus are a horizon and that horizon is linear, the addition of the Spirit makes for a dyamic that mediates the Divine and Human natures and create the Trinity.
No, I'm not even sure of what I just wrote, but in my heart, in my imagination, I find comfort it in its truth.
Here is a lovely song for Trinity Sunday, courtesy of Paul Snatchko, who had it on his blog. Paul started out as a blog friend, as did Lindy. Having met them both I am grateful! I bring this up because our faith is incarnational and relational... the heart of the Trinity.
Today I am reflecting on a more simple image that has been influenced by my friend Lindy, by some work from Richard Rohr and from Fr. Pat's homily that I heard at the 4pm liturgy.
Lindy suggested that we call this Imagination Sunday... and I think that imagination is at the heart of our faith, the heart of the Trinity, so I like the idea of focusing on imagination.
Richard Rohr and Father Pat both spoke about images and dynamics, although each a bit differently.
I am pondering God as Father - but God also as Creator, which implies power. Not power in the negative way that we often perceive it, but the power to imagine and to create, with great love.
I am pondering Jesus as Son - Jesus as human, vulnerable, weak. Not weak in a negative way that is easy to jump to but rather weak as in human. Vulnerable is really a better way to put it. Our culture rejects vulnerability, our faith demands it.
I am pondering the Holy Spirit as... Well, not as a Dove, not as a Flame. I am pondering the ruah, which means spirit and is feminine. Now to say that feminine is not always held up or considered as part of the prevailing male image of God is a whole other blog post or more!
God and Jesus are a horizon and that horizon is linear, the addition of the Spirit makes for a dyamic that mediates the Divine and Human natures and create the Trinity.
No, I'm not even sure of what I just wrote, but in my heart, in my imagination, I find comfort it in its truth.
Here is a lovely song for Trinity Sunday, courtesy of Paul Snatchko, who had it on his blog. Paul started out as a blog friend, as did Lindy. Having met them both I am grateful! I bring this up because our faith is incarnational and relational... the heart of the Trinity.
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Saturday, May 29, 2010
Trinity Sunday - A Study in Relationship
Look at that image for a moment if you will. The Father is not the Son. The Father is not the Spirit. The Son is not the Father. The Son is not the Spirit. The Spirit is neither Father nor Son.
All are God. Each one is God. It bears repeating… All are God. Each one is God. And yet God is one!
Even for those of us who believe in this One God of Three Persons, there is a good deal of mind bending that can go on if we try to understand the Trinity in our Western-Culture-Meets-Left-Brain manner. This manner often includes seeing “three persons” as we imagine persons – God as white haired, bearded and maybe slightly scary old man, Jesus as either Western European handsome or bleeding and wounded and finally the Holy Spirit as a dove or maybe a lick of flame.
None of that really breaks through to make the Trinity manifest as our God who is so present in ways that we struggle to recognize and respond to in our lives.
None of that really breaks through to make the Trinity manifest as our God who is so present in ways that we struggle to recognize and respond to in our lives.
When we use the word mystery in relation to the Trinity it can act as a polite excuse… “Oh, the Trinity! “ (ahem, clears throat) “That! It is a mystery!” And with such, we are potentially absolved from getting a headache trying to put the triangular trinity peg into a round left-brain hole!
Thus ends so much study of the Trinity and that is very sad. At the heart of the Trinity is a constant self-revelation of God and relationship, community. These are not abstract concepts but something very real and something we must be in relationship with in order to respond, participate and cooperate with God.
We can’t use mystery as a manner of abandoning our place in the relationship with a God that is relationship. If it is mystery, then we must enter into that mystery, not abandon it.
Let's refocus... How do you imagine God in relationship with you?
"God’s To-Be is To-Be in relationship, and God’s being-in-relationship-to-us is what God is.” Catherine Mowry LaCugna, from her book, God For Us
Think about that for a moment… “God’s being-in-relationship-to-us is what God is.’ God’s being in relationship is what God is. This makes the old-bearded-white-haired-man seem less likely to me. In fact this brings to mind images of relationship from the Song of Songs:
“Set me as a seal on your heart,
as a seal on your arm:
For stern as death is love,
relentless as the netherworld is devotion,
Its flames are a blazing fire.”
This is no longer God looking down at me, but rather the God of relationship, all three-in-one of God, staring at me, calling me into relationship in a most intimate and passionate way.
And it is a little bit uncomfortable!
So yes, this is mystery, but it is mystery as invitation and welcome, not mystery as an impediment of understanding, or mystery as confusion.
God – as Trinity, God – as invitation, God – as Love… in three persons. If a symbol is what it does and if the etymology of the word symbol is a combination of “token or mark” and “to throw” we can understand little else other than something real has been thrown at us. It has also pursued us in endless relationship.
This Trinity-relationship also negates individualism – which is probably one of, if not the greatest challenge to Trinitarian understanding and engagement in our culture. Our most basic national values are based on a kind of individualism that is antithetical to this God of Trinitarian relationship.
We are often so focused on our own relationship with God, that it can be easy to forget or ignore that our relationship with God is completely dependent on our relationships with others.
The model for understanding this in some way is to pray, to study and to simply be with the Trinity, God, Father and Son in ever present and constant motion and engagement with one another.
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Thursday, May 27, 2010
Four Years Ago
Four years ago right now I was on my second visit to Israel. For some reason the memories are really pulling at me. It was such an extraordinary trip.
Here are some photos.
Don't let the name fool you... The American Colony is not some nutty, xenophobic enclave. Anything but! It is a hotel that is in East Jerusalem and it has quite a history. You can see it here, but warning - there is loud Arabic music that plays. I don't like websites that have loud music of any sort.
Actually, that is the hotel main page, I think you can read the history here and not hear anything or check out the "about us." It was a great hotel and very swanky, I loved it.
A grave in the Kidron Valley.
Just another Old City Street scene.
This photo above is from The Garden Tomb. I loved it there - so peaceful.
This is the Red Sea. It would not part for me. The water was amazing. In the distance you see Jordan. The same beach stretches and the Jordanian border was only 5 km away. You may see that in a few days if I post more about this.
This was great - a tour underneath the Kotel - also known as the Western Wall.
Here are some photos.
Don't let the name fool you... The American Colony is not some nutty, xenophobic enclave. Anything but! It is a hotel that is in East Jerusalem and it has quite a history. You can see it here, but warning - there is loud Arabic music that plays. I don't like websites that have loud music of any sort.
Actually, that is the hotel main page, I think you can read the history here and not hear anything or check out the "about us." It was a great hotel and very swanky, I loved it.
A grave in the Kidron Valley.
Just another Old City Street scene.
This photo above is from The Garden Tomb. I loved it there - so peaceful.
This is the Red Sea. It would not part for me. The water was amazing. In the distance you see Jordan. The same beach stretches and the Jordanian border was only 5 km away. You may see that in a few days if I post more about this.
This was great - a tour underneath the Kotel - also known as the Western Wall.
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Wednesday, May 26, 2010
From My Other Blog...
In the meantime, I did write this for my other blog. And the questions I pose can apply here too!
Pentecost was Sunday and we are returning to Ordinary Time after all the intense activity of Lent and the Easter season. It takes some adjusting.
We do have some big Sundays ahead... This weekend brings us the Feast of the Most Holy Trinity (aka Trinity Sunday) and that is followed by the Feast of Corpus Christi.
Our liturgical year is no accident... days are strung together like beads, each connected to the other, all connected to the whole. The liturgical year, like the Church itself, is alive - dynamic and always in movement. Please note that our calendar is circular and not linear... this means something!
I hope to try to return to writing more regularly and exploring some of these thoughts. Here are some of the things that are on my mind and that I would like to write about:
Let's see if I can actually stick to this. I love writing and I love the community that blogging brings forth. That said, time is always a challenge, along with focus!
I am also in a compressed semester at school. My class is in Moral Theology and I can assure you that it is extraordinary - it is opening my mind and my heart in many ways.
Let me know! Peace to all and thank you so much for your loyal readership and the many gifts of community.
Pentecost was Sunday and we are returning to Ordinary Time after all the intense activity of Lent and the Easter season. It takes some adjusting.
We do have some big Sundays ahead... This weekend brings us the Feast of the Most Holy Trinity (aka Trinity Sunday) and that is followed by the Feast of Corpus Christi.
Our liturgical year is no accident... days are strung together like beads, each connected to the other, all connected to the whole. The liturgical year, like the Church itself, is alive - dynamic and always in movement. Please note that our calendar is circular and not linear... this means something!
I hope to try to return to writing more regularly and exploring some of these thoughts. Here are some of the things that are on my mind and that I would like to write about:
- What is church?
- The dynamic of the Most Holy Trinity
- Why the Body matters
- The attraction to an older way of worship
- Upcoming liturgical reforms that begin with Advent 2011
Let's see if I can actually stick to this. I love writing and I love the community that blogging brings forth. That said, time is always a challenge, along with focus!
I am also in a compressed semester at school. My class is in Moral Theology and I can assure you that it is extraordinary - it is opening my mind and my heart in many ways.
- Is there something that you would like me to write about?
- Is there something that you would like to write about?
Let me know! Peace to all and thank you so much for your loyal readership and the many gifts of community.
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A Long and Winding Pentecost Story - Interuppted
Oh I am so sorry. One of the real downsides of using the blog as a lab and workspace for my essay/memoir work is that sometimes I don't finish the story.
This is the case with my Pentecost tale. It may not end up being timely... It already is anything but! However, it will return!
Thanks for reading this blog at all!!
This is the case with my Pentecost tale. It may not end up being timely... It already is anything but! However, it will return!
Thanks for reading this blog at all!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Pentecost 2010
I have not yet completed my personal Pentecost story. In any event, I decided to instead share what I wrote for my parish blog today.
I found that quote in an article that is not only completely unrelated to Pentecost, and it written by an Episcopalian, it actually might be an article found abhorrent by many. With that disclosure made - along with the thought that things are not always what they seem, I carry on.
It is Pentecost and we celebrate the gift of the Spirit as promised by Jesus at Ascension and as was hinted to all along during the 40 days that followed Easter.
Another favorite Pentecost quote of mine is one I heard at a homily for Pentecost in 1991 or 1992. "Easter makes me unafraid to die; Pentecost makes me unafraid to live." That pretty much sums it up!
In any case, today I wanted to write about the gifts of the Spirit and about how we find the real unity of the Pentecost and then I went to mass at 4pm on Saturday and my line of thought changed.
We have had a series of First Eucharists at St. Edward's these two weekends. It was quite wonderful to finally see First Eucharist incorporated into our regular liturgy schedule in my opinion. There are those who might say that the kids should have their own special mass. There are many, and I do understand this, who might say that they don't want mass made any longer, louder or more complicated with the addition of this sacrament.
Well - who said that mass, church or anything about faith should be anything even remotely related to one's own personal comfort or preference? Not wanting to sound harsh, but just saying. I mean we all get put out, but that's not the point, is it?
Which brings me to wanting to try and say something comprehensible about Pentecost, First Eucharist, and unity.
Which is what good eucharistic theology is all about.
If you go to St. Edward's and if you have been paying attention, you have to have heard Father Pat say this countless times... Why do you come to the table? Do you come here to get something? Or do you come here to give something and then ultimately be part of something?
Most of us were taught the former one, but it is so much about the latter two.
On Saturday, at the Pentecost vigil, Fr. Pat pointed out that even in the old Latin - yes he was there with his very own St. Joseph's Daily Missal from when he was a little kid growing up in Troy - it is about what you bring as you offer yourself!
Yes, of course Jesus offered his life for all. (Yes, I am aware that is about to revert to many. Another post, another day as we begin to consider the implications of the new translation and liturgy that will begin in December 2011.) However, good eucharistic theology - good theology period - is about something dynamic, not something linear.
The very relationship of ongoing movement, which I hope to explore next Sunday for Trinity Sunday, is at the heart of this.
Jesus offered his life for the world and gave us his Body and Blood. When we "eat this bread and we drink this blood" we do so much more than commemorate that death and rebirth.
We become what we eat. It is hard to ponder.
So what does this have to do with Pentecost? It is in this very becoming of Eucharist, I believe, that the moment of Spirit that brings us into the mutuality, unity and understanding that Pentecost brings the world.
And I purposefully say that Pentecost brings and not brought because it is ongoing and very dynamic.
We see this every time we come to the table at mass. Or at least we have the chance to see it that way if we chose to enter into it that way.
This is why it is, again to paraphrase Fr. Pat, so easy and attractive to want to follow Jesus. And it is exactly why it is so hard to actually do so. However, as he also says, we keep coming back, all of us, week after week - trying.
And that is what we do. And that is a good thing.
So, the world of individualism, personal preference, comfort and convenience must be reconsidered in the world of Jesus, the world of good eucharistic theology, the world of Pentecost. It is the world of, again quoting Fr. Pat - common union. To which I will spell out - common union with God through common union with each other.
Community comes with great cost and if we proceed, comes also with great and endless gift.
What an awful lot of words for someone who quoted this at the beginning:
"I’ve always found beautiful about the sacrament of the bread is the way one has to stop talking in order to communicate." - Garret Keizer
I found that quote in an article that is not only completely unrelated to Pentecost, and it written by an Episcopalian, it actually might be an article found abhorrent by many. With that disclosure made - along with the thought that things are not always what they seem, I carry on.
It is Pentecost and we celebrate the gift of the Spirit as promised by Jesus at Ascension and as was hinted to all along during the 40 days that followed Easter.
Another favorite Pentecost quote of mine is one I heard at a homily for Pentecost in 1991 or 1992. "Easter makes me unafraid to die; Pentecost makes me unafraid to live." That pretty much sums it up!
In any case, today I wanted to write about the gifts of the Spirit and about how we find the real unity of the Pentecost and then I went to mass at 4pm on Saturday and my line of thought changed.
We have had a series of First Eucharists at St. Edward's these two weekends. It was quite wonderful to finally see First Eucharist incorporated into our regular liturgy schedule in my opinion. There are those who might say that the kids should have their own special mass. There are many, and I do understand this, who might say that they don't want mass made any longer, louder or more complicated with the addition of this sacrament.
Well - who said that mass, church or anything about faith should be anything even remotely related to one's own personal comfort or preference? Not wanting to sound harsh, but just saying. I mean we all get put out, but that's not the point, is it?
Which brings me to wanting to try and say something comprehensible about Pentecost, First Eucharist, and unity.
Which is what good eucharistic theology is all about.
If you go to St. Edward's and if you have been paying attention, you have to have heard Father Pat say this countless times... Why do you come to the table? Do you come here to get something? Or do you come here to give something and then ultimately be part of something?
Most of us were taught the former one, but it is so much about the latter two.
On Saturday, at the Pentecost vigil, Fr. Pat pointed out that even in the old Latin - yes he was there with his very own St. Joseph's Daily Missal from when he was a little kid growing up in Troy - it is about what you bring as you offer yourself!
Yes, of course Jesus offered his life for all. (Yes, I am aware that is about to revert to many. Another post, another day as we begin to consider the implications of the new translation and liturgy that will begin in December 2011.) However, good eucharistic theology - good theology period - is about something dynamic, not something linear.
The very relationship of ongoing movement, which I hope to explore next Sunday for Trinity Sunday, is at the heart of this.
Jesus offered his life for the world and gave us his Body and Blood. When we "eat this bread and we drink this blood" we do so much more than commemorate that death and rebirth.
We become what we eat. It is hard to ponder.
So what does this have to do with Pentecost? It is in this very becoming of Eucharist, I believe, that the moment of Spirit that brings us into the mutuality, unity and understanding that Pentecost brings the world.
And I purposefully say that Pentecost brings and not brought because it is ongoing and very dynamic.
We see this every time we come to the table at mass. Or at least we have the chance to see it that way if we chose to enter into it that way.
This is why it is, again to paraphrase Fr. Pat, so easy and attractive to want to follow Jesus. And it is exactly why it is so hard to actually do so. However, as he also says, we keep coming back, all of us, week after week - trying.
And that is what we do. And that is a good thing.
So, the world of individualism, personal preference, comfort and convenience must be reconsidered in the world of Jesus, the world of good eucharistic theology, the world of Pentecost. It is the world of, again quoting Fr. Pat - common union. To which I will spell out - common union with God through common union with each other.
Community comes with great cost and if we proceed, comes also with great and endless gift.
What an awful lot of words for someone who quoted this at the beginning:
Time to stop talking and to start communicating."I’ve always found beautiful about the sacrament of the bread is the way one has to stop talking in order to communicate." - Garret Keizer
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Friday, May 21, 2010
A Long and Winding Pentecost Story... Update
I had hoped to finish up today, but that is not going to happen... Today I have to go out of town for a confirmation of all things! How very Pentecost-y! In any case, I am very privileged to be the sponsor for my niece today, so off I go.
In the meantime, here is a Taize video of Veni Sancte Spiritus. Come, Holy Spirit, come. Heal, console, inform, love, reconcile, enlighten, transform us all.
In the meantime, here is a Taize video of Veni Sancte Spiritus. Come, Holy Spirit, come. Heal, console, inform, love, reconcile, enlighten, transform us all.
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Veni Creator - An Interruption to my Pentecost Story
Pentecost. Jarring. Unnerving. Compelling. Ultimately - uniting.
I highly, highly recommend reading Austin Fleming's blogpost about Pentecost and this video by clicking here.
Austin says, "if Pentecost teaches us anything, it's that the Spirit comes in every language, upon all peoples and with a desire to brings us together as one. Some will argue that this means we all need to sing the same song, in the same language, but I doubt the Spirit is so limited."
I am always reminded of a Pentecost homily that I heard about 20 years ago... "Easter makes me unafraid to die. Pentecost makes me unafraid to live."
Pentecost is so unlikely... and if you read me regularly, you know that unlikely is the theme of my life.
Now please... Go and read Austin's post - it is brilliant.
I highly, highly recommend reading Austin Fleming's blogpost about Pentecost and this video by clicking here.
Austin says, "if Pentecost teaches us anything, it's that the Spirit comes in every language, upon all peoples and with a desire to brings us together as one. Some will argue that this means we all need to sing the same song, in the same language, but I doubt the Spirit is so limited."
I am always reminded of a Pentecost homily that I heard about 20 years ago... "Easter makes me unafraid to die. Pentecost makes me unafraid to live."
Pentecost is so unlikely... and if you read me regularly, you know that unlikely is the theme of my life.
Now please... Go and read Austin's post - it is brilliant.
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A Long and Winding Pentecost Story... Part 2
So where was I? Oh yes... I was about to meet my cousins for the first time. This was a journey that would change my life.
A word about my life - as I said in the first installment. I hated my job but loved most of the people I worked with. As I was mired in debt and lost as to what my life calling was, I felt trapped. It did not seem like I could leave my job... I did not have a clue at what I wanted to do and I felt terrified about changing it or trying something else. Even though I was an executive with a good position, I did not feel competent to do much.
My depression was lurking, untreated and largely unnoticed. I just wrote a comment on another blog in which I said:
I recall days when I felt like I was walking around with a tunnel or a tube around me. I could essentially hear and see the world around me and even interact with it, but the whir of my own despair was a constant hum that created some distance. My depression was lived out in an entirely highly functional life.
It was May of 1995 and at that time my former employer still had what they called "Service Award Dinners." These events were to congratulate employees on length of service; you would get a pin and people would say nice things about you. Oh yes, it was hokey, but it was also kind of nice. Those days are so long gone. That may have been one of the last ones actually.
One of my employees in the Chicago office, a woman who had helped me find some courage and integrity at one point, was getting her five year pin. I flew out to Chicago on Friday afternoon for the Friday night event. I couldn't tell what I hated more - my job or myself.
Off we went to the dinner and I endured it as waves of anger and self-pity alternated washing over me. Don't get me wrong, I really cared for this particular employee but I hated this dinner. One woman was getting a 45 year award. I thought to myself, "Oh God, kill me before that happens!"
The saving grace of the whole thing is that I was going to wake up on Saturday and take a train to Harvard, Illinois. There, my cousins, those prairie Jews from Rockford, would pick me up and we would finally be together. It kept me afloat.
On Saturday morning I ran over to the big Crate&Barrel store on Michigan Avenue to buy my cousins a gift. It was such a big, shiny, bright and beautiful store filled with bright,shiny and beautiful people working there.
And they all seemed... so happy. It was as if I were a hound a a scent had crossed my path! Happiness... Nose down and focused I looked all around me... Pillows, table ware, kitchen goods, vases and all sorts of lovely things! Wine glasses! Pitchers! Platters! Planters! And all the nice happy people who were selling them!
It hit me... A Crate&Barrel was about to open in White Plains, where I lived at the time. No... I couldn't possibly.
Oh. Yes. I. Could.
Would I really embark on a career there?
No more time to consider that, I had to rush to make my train now after dawdling among the shiny objects of C&B. I got on my train, nervous and excited to meet my cousins. And I spent the better part of the ride, watching Chicago yield to suburbia which became farmland and dreaming of life in a black and white apron, with the best accessory of all.
A smile.
To be continued...
A word about my life - as I said in the first installment. I hated my job but loved most of the people I worked with. As I was mired in debt and lost as to what my life calling was, I felt trapped. It did not seem like I could leave my job... I did not have a clue at what I wanted to do and I felt terrified about changing it or trying something else. Even though I was an executive with a good position, I did not feel competent to do much.
My depression was lurking, untreated and largely unnoticed. I just wrote a comment on another blog in which I said:
I recall days when I felt like I was walking around with a tunnel or a tube around me. I could essentially hear and see the world around me and even interact with it, but the whir of my own despair was a constant hum that created some distance. My depression was lived out in an entirely highly functional life.
It was May of 1995 and at that time my former employer still had what they called "Service Award Dinners." These events were to congratulate employees on length of service; you would get a pin and people would say nice things about you. Oh yes, it was hokey, but it was also kind of nice. Those days are so long gone. That may have been one of the last ones actually.
One of my employees in the Chicago office, a woman who had helped me find some courage and integrity at one point, was getting her five year pin. I flew out to Chicago on Friday afternoon for the Friday night event. I couldn't tell what I hated more - my job or myself.
Off we went to the dinner and I endured it as waves of anger and self-pity alternated washing over me. Don't get me wrong, I really cared for this particular employee but I hated this dinner. One woman was getting a 45 year award. I thought to myself, "Oh God, kill me before that happens!"
The saving grace of the whole thing is that I was going to wake up on Saturday and take a train to Harvard, Illinois. There, my cousins, those prairie Jews from Rockford, would pick me up and we would finally be together. It kept me afloat.
On Saturday morning I ran over to the big Crate&Barrel store on Michigan Avenue to buy my cousins a gift. It was such a big, shiny, bright and beautiful store filled with bright,shiny and beautiful people working there.
And they all seemed... so happy. It was as if I were a hound a a scent had crossed my path! Happiness... Nose down and focused I looked all around me... Pillows, table ware, kitchen goods, vases and all sorts of lovely things! Wine glasses! Pitchers! Platters! Planters! And all the nice happy people who were selling them!
It hit me... A Crate&Barrel was about to open in White Plains, where I lived at the time. No... I couldn't possibly.
Oh. Yes. I. Could.
Would I really embark on a career there?
No more time to consider that, I had to rush to make my train now after dawdling among the shiny objects of C&B. I got on my train, nervous and excited to meet my cousins. And I spent the better part of the ride, watching Chicago yield to suburbia which became farmland and dreaming of life in a black and white apron, with the best accessory of all.
A smile.
To be continued...
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A Long and Winding Pentecost Story...
The spring of 1995 could qualify as one of the lowest points of my life. I had a job that I hated and that left me frustrated, I was deeply in debt and in so many ways, did not feel at home in my own skin.
Mostly I felt trapped. For all the time that I spent thrashing about, I would always be reminded that the shackles around my ankles remained locked. Little did I know that the key was always at hand.
While I hated my job, I must say that I loved the people that worked for me. I remain friendly with many of them and thanks to Facebook, can keep up with whatever is going on in their lives. They were a balm to my spirit and encouraged me greatly, but there was no denying that I was a square peg in a round hole.
At that time I had been in touch via good old US Postal Service mail with my cousins, who I did not really know well at that time. When my mother died in September of 1991, my cousin Jeff reached out to me and his first correspondence changed all of our lives.
It is really something to look back to a time, not so long ago, when pen would make contact with paper and ink would flow and a kind of correspondence that we see less and less of, would make its way between people. Pen and paper letters do make for more thoughtful and reflective interchanges than what we see out here in the intertubes.
Jeff was (well technically still is!) a reform rabbi and at that time was at Temple Beth-El, in Rockford, Illinois. Now you are correct if you are thinking that this was not the most Jewish place in the world, but you would also be surprised how many Jews there were in Rockford and the surrounding areas. Jeff's considerable skills as a rabbi and religious reader helped to build a good sized congregation.
Jeff's wife Stephanie and two sons, James and Josh were as yet unknown to me, only through these letters. And in fact, to say I "knew" Jeff would be a stretch as I only remembered vaguely one childhood interchange.
In any case, our letters from late 1991 to 1995 had brought us closer together and I did long to meet Jeff and his family one day. Ah - letters, the pre-email and facebook days!
Our chance to meet was about to emerge and with it, a major life change for me.
And yes - there is a Pentecost element to all of this, as unlikely as it may seem.
To be continued..
Mostly I felt trapped. For all the time that I spent thrashing about, I would always be reminded that the shackles around my ankles remained locked. Little did I know that the key was always at hand.
While I hated my job, I must say that I loved the people that worked for me. I remain friendly with many of them and thanks to Facebook, can keep up with whatever is going on in their lives. They were a balm to my spirit and encouraged me greatly, but there was no denying that I was a square peg in a round hole.
At that time I had been in touch via good old US Postal Service mail with my cousins, who I did not really know well at that time. When my mother died in September of 1991, my cousin Jeff reached out to me and his first correspondence changed all of our lives.
It is really something to look back to a time, not so long ago, when pen would make contact with paper and ink would flow and a kind of correspondence that we see less and less of, would make its way between people. Pen and paper letters do make for more thoughtful and reflective interchanges than what we see out here in the intertubes.
Jeff was (well technically still is!) a reform rabbi and at that time was at Temple Beth-El, in Rockford, Illinois. Now you are correct if you are thinking that this was not the most Jewish place in the world, but you would also be surprised how many Jews there were in Rockford and the surrounding areas. Jeff's considerable skills as a rabbi and religious reader helped to build a good sized congregation.
Jeff's wife Stephanie and two sons, James and Josh were as yet unknown to me, only through these letters. And in fact, to say I "knew" Jeff would be a stretch as I only remembered vaguely one childhood interchange.
In any case, our letters from late 1991 to 1995 had brought us closer together and I did long to meet Jeff and his family one day. Ah - letters, the pre-email and facebook days!
Our chance to meet was about to emerge and with it, a major life change for me.
And yes - there is a Pentecost element to all of this, as unlikely as it may seem.
To be continued..
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Friday, May 14, 2010
Pentecost Novena 2010 - Day 1
Last year I was able to offer a novena for these days between Ascension Thursday and Pentecost. This is an important and powerful time of prayer - the post resurrection Jesus has ascended into heaven and has promised us the Holy Spirit, which we know will come on Pentecost.
If you are from the Roman Catholic Diocese of Albany you know that we just had our annual catechetical event, Spring Enrichment. This week kept me pretty busy and as a result I have not been able to prepare a novena this year.
One of the gifts of the internet and blogging is community and one of the gifts of community is that we can share.
Great friend of the blog, Father Austin Fleming, who blogs at A Concord Pastor Comments, is offering a novena on his blog. I am linking to it here and will keep a link to it on the sidebar of the blog until Pentecost.
Thank you Father Austin for giving us a chance to pray with you and your readers.
From his blog:
The oldest novena is the prayer of the first disciples (Mary, the apostles and other believers) from the time Jesus ascended to his Father (40 days after Easter) to the feast of Pentecost. These nine days are a time for us to pray for the coming of the Spirit upon the Church and upon each of us. Each day of the novena you will find a post with scripture and prayer for that day. For your prayer, I've added a widget at the top of the sidebar with 17 musical selections for Pentecost.
you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor,
she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.John 16:20-23
For reflection...
Continue reading at the link....
If you are from the Roman Catholic Diocese of Albany you know that we just had our annual catechetical event, Spring Enrichment. This week kept me pretty busy and as a result I have not been able to prepare a novena this year.
One of the gifts of the internet and blogging is community and one of the gifts of community is that we can share.
Great friend of the blog, Father Austin Fleming, who blogs at A Concord Pastor Comments, is offering a novena on his blog. I am linking to it here and will keep a link to it on the sidebar of the blog until Pentecost.
Thank you Father Austin for giving us a chance to pray with you and your readers.
From his blog:
The oldest novena is the prayer of the first disciples (Mary, the apostles and other believers) from the time Jesus ascended to his Father (40 days after Easter) to the feast of Pentecost. These nine days are a time for us to pray for the coming of the Spirit upon the Church and upon each of us. Each day of the novena you will find a post with scripture and prayer for that day. For your prayer, I've added a widget at the top of the sidebar with 17 musical selections for Pentecost.
Pentecost Novena to the Holy Spirit - Day 1
Amen, amen, I say to you,From the scriptures:
you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor,
she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.John 16:20-23
For reflection...
Continue reading at the link....
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ascension - Imagining The Unimaginable
Today is the Feast of the Ascension. I wish that I had more time to write about it, but I don't.
What I will say is this... Imagine the unimaginable. That is part of the Ascension Thursday story.
Jesus dies and rises and all those who followed him were overjoyed. Now Jesus has spent this time among them in his resurrected form. What joy for those who believed and those who came to believe.
Then the day comes... and it seems that Jesus is gone. I can't imagine what that might have felt like. Perhaps it seemed a cruel joke, perhaps it brought hope - and God knows what else.
I am more than a little bit obsessed with considering the days of the early church. We see through the lens of our own time, culture and experience. I will never be a First Century Jew or Gentile who followed Jesus - that much is clear. However, I do think about that a lot.
It seems like it must have been glorious to witness Jesus ascending into heaven, but I think it was also devastating.
Which reminds me that we are about to have nine powerful days of prayer ahead of us... In this time of confusion and potential devastation at having lost Jesus again, the Apostles and others were no doubt lost, confused, frightened.
Many years ago someone told me that these nine days between Ascension and Pentecost were a really powerful time of prayer and I agree. Jesus has ascended and we await the gift of the Holy Spirit.
So I invite you to join me in prayer for these days to come... A reminder that the unimaginable, the frightening, the confusing and the devastating gives way to hope over and over again.
Lest I sound flip... No, we all face horrors that will take us apart. And ultimately, we all have the hope of healing and redemption. Most of life takes place in the spaces in between these two poles.
And these days between Ascension Thursday and Pentecost are just that.
It is unimaginable, and yet, it is what we must imagine and then live.
What I will say is this... Imagine the unimaginable. That is part of the Ascension Thursday story.
Jesus dies and rises and all those who followed him were overjoyed. Now Jesus has spent this time among them in his resurrected form. What joy for those who believed and those who came to believe.
Then the day comes... and it seems that Jesus is gone. I can't imagine what that might have felt like. Perhaps it seemed a cruel joke, perhaps it brought hope - and God knows what else.
I am more than a little bit obsessed with considering the days of the early church. We see through the lens of our own time, culture and experience. I will never be a First Century Jew or Gentile who followed Jesus - that much is clear. However, I do think about that a lot.
It seems like it must have been glorious to witness Jesus ascending into heaven, but I think it was also devastating.
Which reminds me that we are about to have nine powerful days of prayer ahead of us... In this time of confusion and potential devastation at having lost Jesus again, the Apostles and others were no doubt lost, confused, frightened.
Many years ago someone told me that these nine days between Ascension and Pentecost were a really powerful time of prayer and I agree. Jesus has ascended and we await the gift of the Holy Spirit.
So I invite you to join me in prayer for these days to come... A reminder that the unimaginable, the frightening, the confusing and the devastating gives way to hope over and over again.
Lest I sound flip... No, we all face horrors that will take us apart. And ultimately, we all have the hope of healing and redemption. Most of life takes place in the spaces in between these two poles.
And these days between Ascension Thursday and Pentecost are just that.
It is unimaginable, and yet, it is what we must imagine and then live.
Labels:
Ascenscion Thursday,
blogging church,
Church Nerd
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Sunday, May 9, 2010
A Rose Among The Thorns - A Story of Life
How unlikely it all was. She was 43 when she gave birth to her daughter in November of 1957. When she missed her period and then missed another, she chalked it up to menopause. Then another and another. Things were not really storybook like, unless you think storybook like means a sad story.
There were the things done to her - the love of her husband that was so often and tragically expressed by furious anger, verbal assaults, physical release of all sort.
There were the things she did to herself - the chain smoking, the black coffee from 7am to about noon, followed by the pffft-pop of that first can of beer opened at 12:01 and that continued to sound off, every hour or so during the day. Terms and conditions like lactose-intolerant had not yet been discovered so she just avoided any dairy, food that made her so sick. Food for her meant buttered white bread, canned peas and pieces of meat so overcooked as to be inedible. And man - could she swear like a trooper!
At about 5 months, the bulging tummy indicated that this might be more than menopause, so a doctor's appointment was scheduled. Imagine everyone's shock and surprise when they found out that a baby was well on the way. A baby thus far not really cared for or prepared for.
Now what?
It is not beyond the boundaries of imagination that termination of such a pregnancy was considered despite the legality of such an act and the morality, of course. I am not sure that it was the latter that drove this, more the former if there was even a conversation. I can't imagine, knowing all the characters involved in this story, I can't imagine that it did not pass through at least one of their minds.
Some way, some how - so unlikely, but then God is always very unlikely in how God acts and chooses - a baby was born at 9:42am on that second Tuesday of November. She bore a remarkably healthy and vibrant girl, weighing in at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. Not bad when you factor in the pre-natal care, conditions and so forth.
She brought her baby home and thus began another thread of life in this most unlikely of families, a most unlikely baby to a truly unlikely mother.
The mother was truly a rose among the thorns, but she was a rose indeed, ever blooming, albeit it tragically so much of the time.
That was my mother, Rose Rossi. This is my 19th Mother's Day without her. I cry at this one as I have cried at all the others. Despite all the unlikely and so often unhappy things I bring up, my life is a testament to a woman who endured much and who in her own way, gave her life for me.
I love you mama, I love you.
There were the things done to her - the love of her husband that was so often and tragically expressed by furious anger, verbal assaults, physical release of all sort.
There were the things she did to herself - the chain smoking, the black coffee from 7am to about noon, followed by the pffft-pop of that first can of beer opened at 12:01 and that continued to sound off, every hour or so during the day. Terms and conditions like lactose-intolerant had not yet been discovered so she just avoided any dairy, food that made her so sick. Food for her meant buttered white bread, canned peas and pieces of meat so overcooked as to be inedible. And man - could she swear like a trooper!
At about 5 months, the bulging tummy indicated that this might be more than menopause, so a doctor's appointment was scheduled. Imagine everyone's shock and surprise when they found out that a baby was well on the way. A baby thus far not really cared for or prepared for.
Now what?
It is not beyond the boundaries of imagination that termination of such a pregnancy was considered despite the legality of such an act and the morality, of course. I am not sure that it was the latter that drove this, more the former if there was even a conversation. I can't imagine, knowing all the characters involved in this story, I can't imagine that it did not pass through at least one of their minds.
Some way, some how - so unlikely, but then God is always very unlikely in how God acts and chooses - a baby was born at 9:42am on that second Tuesday of November. She bore a remarkably healthy and vibrant girl, weighing in at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. Not bad when you factor in the pre-natal care, conditions and so forth.
She brought her baby home and thus began another thread of life in this most unlikely of families, a most unlikely baby to a truly unlikely mother.
The mother was truly a rose among the thorns, but she was a rose indeed, ever blooming, albeit it tragically so much of the time.
That was my mother, Rose Rossi. This is my 19th Mother's Day without her. I cry at this one as I have cried at all the others. Despite all the unlikely and so often unhappy things I bring up, my life is a testament to a woman who endured much and who in her own way, gave her life for me.
I love you mama, I love you.
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Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Lazyblogging Place Holder Post
Howdy kids! I am at the intersection of pulled-in-many-directions and don't-have-much-to-say.
So I thought I would just say hello and post a video, complete lazyblogging style. Maybe I will post more than one video, I am feeling very 80's tonight.
See you soon!
Love Is What I Say - INXS I loved this album - The Swing, from 1984. I listened to it to death. And I really had this song on my mind.
Headmaster Ritual from the Smiths... classic. Many an hour spent listening to them, listening to this.
Nik Kershaw singing Wouldn't It Be Good. I saw him open for (gulp) Paul Young once.
So I thought I would just say hello and post a video, complete lazyblogging style. Maybe I will post more than one video, I am feeling very 80's tonight.
See you soon!
Love Is What I Say - INXS I loved this album - The Swing, from 1984. I listened to it to death. And I really had this song on my mind.
Headmaster Ritual from the Smiths... classic. Many an hour spent listening to them, listening to this.
Nik Kershaw singing Wouldn't It Be Good. I saw him open for (gulp) Paul Young once.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A Tale of Hope Found In a Bit of a Rant. (alright, more than a bit of a rant, crying out for hope)
I just found this video on Facebook, from Shannon of Finding Grace Within. For those of you who do not know Shannon, she is a Catholic prison chaplain in Washington state; her constituents are men. File under, Find God There. She is remarkable.
Anyway, Shannon recommended watching this and in the 4 minutes that it took to watch I went from curious to weeping copiously. And wanting to share this.
This young man, Michael Huerta, is so hopeful. His hope is a reaching out to the less hopeful, a reminder that if you can just hang on.
We punish a lot of people with our words and all the negative imagery of sexual orientation. And I think that this pushes people of other orientations to extremes sometimes (note - SOMETIMES, not all times) and that has other folks complaining about things like "flamboyance."
Don't get me started on flamboyance. I may have to smack you upside your anti-flamboyant head. Flamboyant friends saved my life. I wasn't suicidal but I felt terminally unlovable. It was LGBT friends, men in particular, who taught me to fall in love with myself and to be who I truly am. It was many of these same friends that were foundational in my return to the Roman Catholic church 20 years ago.
We can judge or we can love. I hate the sanctimonious "hate the sin but not the sinner talk." Love the sinner - which is all of us in case you haven't noticed - and the sins likely to be expiated.
That may be because we unchain those held down by our judgments each time we love instead of judge.
Trust me - I'm talking to myself too, for all the people I judge for things other than sexual orientation.
Anyway, this young man has a message for us all. It is the most Christian message of all and that is the message of hope.
Christian or not, lack hope and you lack life. It is that simple. Someone I know often reminds me that he lacks the faith that the next Kleenex will pop out of the box. He may lack the faith, but I know that he has hope. Faith without works is dead; faith without hope is a lie.
Happy Birthday Michael Huerta. Happy Hope to all of us.
Anyway, Shannon recommended watching this and in the 4 minutes that it took to watch I went from curious to weeping copiously. And wanting to share this.
This young man, Michael Huerta, is so hopeful. His hope is a reaching out to the less hopeful, a reminder that if you can just hang on.
We punish a lot of people with our words and all the negative imagery of sexual orientation. And I think that this pushes people of other orientations to extremes sometimes (note - SOMETIMES, not all times) and that has other folks complaining about things like "flamboyance."
Don't get me started on flamboyance. I may have to smack you upside your anti-flamboyant head. Flamboyant friends saved my life. I wasn't suicidal but I felt terminally unlovable. It was LGBT friends, men in particular, who taught me to fall in love with myself and to be who I truly am. It was many of these same friends that were foundational in my return to the Roman Catholic church 20 years ago.
We can judge or we can love. I hate the sanctimonious "hate the sin but not the sinner talk." Love the sinner - which is all of us in case you haven't noticed - and the sins likely to be expiated.
That may be because we unchain those held down by our judgments each time we love instead of judge.
Trust me - I'm talking to myself too, for all the people I judge for things other than sexual orientation.
Anyway, this young man has a message for us all. It is the most Christian message of all and that is the message of hope.
Christian or not, lack hope and you lack life. It is that simple. Someone I know often reminds me that he lacks the faith that the next Kleenex will pop out of the box. He may lack the faith, but I know that he has hope. Faith without works is dead; faith without hope is a lie.
Happy Birthday Michael Huerta. Happy Hope to all of us.
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